
Written by: Aaliyah Reksid
Being in a romantic relationship can be difficult at times. One of the best ways to help prevent/help the conflict is by communicating with your partner, but what if when you are trying to speak to them they are on their cell phone instead of listening?
The nature of romantic relationships has changed over time and so has technology. Pew Research Center has studied the change in both and together for a long time. They conducted a survey among 4,860 U.S. adults that focused on the patterns, experiences, and attitudes related to digital technology use in romantic relationships.
One of the first topics they covered within the survey was how often they believe their partner to be looking at their cell phone when they are trying to have a conversation and if so how much it bothered them. Say you are sitting at a restaurant and you look around how many people sitting at the table are having a conversation and how many are on their phones? Personally not only has this happened to me, but when going out it is very often that I see this amount of two people. In the study, 51% say their partner is often or sometimes distracted by their cell phone when they are trying to have a conversation. 40% say that they often or sometimes are bothered by the amount of time their partner spends on their phone.
But what happens when curiosity kicks in? Do you ever wonder what someone is doing spending so much time on their phone that it has become that much of a distraction? 34% of people in the survey say they have ever looked through their current partner’s cell phone without their partner’s knowledge. There is a very widespread agreement that looking through your partner’s phone without their knowledge is unacceptable, seven-in-ten Americans agree with this statement. Some people say that depending on the circumstance it can be acceptable for 34% of women and 25% of men.
Personally, I believe that snooping through your partner’s phone without their knowledge is unacceptable. Especially without cause. I had been in a relationship where the person I was dating had gone through my phone without my permission. They had brought up to me something I had said long before we were dating (two years to be exact) and had started a fight with me over it. This caused me to lose my trust in that partner and caused more issues down the line. On the other hand, I have had a friend who had gone on her partner’s phone without them knowing as she had a suspicion of him cheating and it turned out she was correct.
For my partner, at the time, to have been able to get into my phone he needed my password, which I had trusted him with. In the study, they asked if the people involved shared their passcodes with their partner. Depending on the relationship status, 75% of all partnered adult relationships people said yes. This included people who were married, living together, and in committed relationships.
It is not just the cell phone itself that can cause problems in a relationship, but more so what is on the screen. With social media, it is extremely easy to start comparing or sharing your relationships online. Many people see social media as a great way to show their love for their partner by posting about them. 81% of people within the study said they have often or sometimes seen people posting about their relationships on social media and 28% said they share and discuss their current relationships or dating life on social media. I have fallen into this category as I like to be able to post about the people in my life as a way of showing my happiness and love for them.
What happens when you see other couples online and start to compare your relationship to theirs? 46% of people said that seeing other couples on social media affects how they view their own love lives. (35% said sometimes and 15% said rarely).
Technology in the 21st century is so far advanced than a decade ago that it can cause many problems within your personal relationships. Have you ever experienced these issues before? Have you talked it through with your partner or did curiosity kill the cat and you went snooping without asking?